Is this a love story? I don’t know.
I was fourteen when I fell in love. The girl was beautiful. Not ‘eyelashes on point, pink lips and tiny waist’ beautiful, she was ‘fuck you if you think of me as a villain waiting for your opinion’ beautiful.
She barely liked me. Yes, we spoke till four thirty in the morning because she was blabbering on and on about her bucket-list and I liked every dream she had etched onto her paper skin with a pen-edged knife. She liked it, because who doesn’t love talking about themselves? (I know a lot of you don’t, but smile anyway.)
We met every day at school, and I would see her laugh. And no, I wouldn’t think about how pretty she looks as she giggles. Instead, I would laugh with her, cause the joke she had said really was funny.
I was fifteen when she said she liked me. I couldn’t believe it, but I didn’t ask her to say it again because there was a small doubt inside of me. A doubt that went ‘what if she changes her mind?’. And so I shushed about it, and we dated.
A little back story: A week before she said any of this, I had texted a girl (her best-friend) who liked me and things did not end pretty. My bad.
We dated for about a week, so it wasn’t really a relationship but I liked her and I wrote poetry for her and that is why I, at least, say that we dated. I wrote her poetry that had crazy rhyme schemes, and terrible grammar because two people who like each other don’t really care about that, do they?
She broke up with me and called it revenge, a very pretty name for a game that is no fun. I had hurt her friend and oh god, how could I? I apologized to her friend, cause in all honesty, I knew that was my bad and she deserved it.
I’ve lied many times after all of this, to the girl I fell in love with when I was fourteen. I’ve called her my muse and I’ve said I still like her.
It’s been two years and I’ve been with other people but something went wrong inside this futile human body or heart of mine. I look at people and I see them wearing masks, tip-toeing their way across the lives of others, throwing grenades and being friendly at the same time. It’s crazy.
I try to like someone, and I feel like I do sometimes, but I end up breaking their heart and making them what I am. A monster. A villain not waiting for your opinion.
I’ve been called a lot of things. Am I all of these things?
Am I a fuckboy? Maybe.
Instagram handle: @myspirals
Previous post : The thin line.
Related post : It’s okay.
Share if you like it! Help my infinity grow bigger ∞
You will stop tip toeing when you finally meet your other half, trust me 🙂
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Probably will. Thanks for reading!
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Great piece. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you for reading!
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This is so well-written and inspiring. You have a very impressive style with your words and thoughts. Truly remarkable. I hope you could follow my blog page, if you don’t mind. Cheers! 🙂
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I’ll have a look and will definitely follow if I like it!
Thanks for reading.
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You’re welcome. How is your blog going?
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Pretty good so far. You want to move this conversation to Instagram, or something?
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I could say you’re a little stupid for living in the past, but moving on is easier said than done. But don’t give one flying fuck about what others call you, that is not who you are. Please don’t doubt yourself as a human being or others will too. Try to focus on your present, not past or future. Look at what you have right now and create art from that, I know because I do the same. Eventually, you will just run out of metaphors to describe that muse, because there are only so many ways to describe being destroyed. Also, smile 🙂
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Who exactly are you saying this to?
Thanks for reading, though.
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If this piece is inspired by real life, then you. Or open advice to anyone who relates.
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I did say it was purely fictional. Maybe others could use the advice though. Thanks on their behalf.
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Well excuse the fact I am a part blind woman who doesn’t read important stuff hahaha
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Excused.
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Taru Gupta! I think you just described most of the world! I appreciate your perspective. Utsav, lovely work, again!
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Thank you!
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I can’t decide if I liked it or not, but I absolutely don’t like such people who take love as time-pass.
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Well, I would love one think and that is : if you would follow my blog. Will you? 🙃
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I’ll have a look at your blog and surely follow if I like it.
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You have nailed the struggles of adolescence, very nicely. People who don’t figure it out, during that time in their lives, end up wearing masks well into adulthood.
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I thoroughly enjoyed this! 😊
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I am really glad you did, love!
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You wrote from the heart. Honesty is everything.
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Thank you!
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Wow this is really great
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Thank you so much ❤
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This was a thoroughly enjoyable read. You write so fucking well, dude! I have to say this was my favourite line:
“I look at people and I see them wearing masks, tip-toeing their way across the lives of others, throwing grenades and being friendly at the same time.”
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Thank you, man! 🙂
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well the villain is not waiting for an opinion…so no comments…haha
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How do you write so good 😛
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Im not sure I can tell you that in the comments 😂❤
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Haha..@from_the_writers’_desk❤
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I texted. Although there is something else that I will bring to your notice when you reply over there.
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Wow. i really enjoyed reading it.
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Impressive and powerful . thanks for following my blog . i have seen your contents . great . i will read it soon.
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Your poetry is beautiful
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Thank you so much.
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“…revenge, a very pretty name for a game that is no fun”
Love this line❤
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Thank you.❤
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This was lovely and very well written!
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Maybe that’s what’s
Gonna happen..
When you get attached
To people and they endup
Breaking the heart..
You cannot be
Affectionate anymore
To anyone!
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Maybe. Maybe not.
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I think I must be a villain 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
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Haha that’s good. I still like villains. We should talk 😂
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Haha at your own risk 😀
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Instagram?
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I’m currently very paranoid about anonymity, being a new blogger and all… I’ll have to create a new account but I’ll keep you posted if you will :))
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I get it. Here’s my Id though, so text me if you want. I won’t share it with anyone.
https://www.instagram.com/utsavraj_/
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thanks!
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I love your writing style. Very unique. It just encouraged me to stay true to mine. Thank you for being true to yourself.
Not very many of us are.
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I really enjoy your storytelling! It’s at once both minimal and vast – both hazy and precise.
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Thank you so much ❤
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Haha I thought for a moment I was reading story of my life thing.
This is really so great.
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I’m glad you liked it!
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I really like that line about how he laughed at her joke because it was funny 😀 it’s a rare thing to find written ^ ^
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Thank you! Means a lot!
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You’re very welcome ^ ^
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Beautifully written.
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Thank you!
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