Crayon hospitals.

Crayon hospitals.

Hospitals freak a lot of people out. Share your hospital story in the comment section below!

I sat by her bedside,
Held her paper pale hands,
And stared blankly at everything,
That today had become.
The hospital walls crayon pink and blue,
The tables a stable horse.
A vase that remind me of our fourth anniversary,
And a picture frame that was empty.
The air depressed and anxious,
and my eyeballs frantic.
Her paper pale hands,
And Christmas shirt,
And no obvious signs that she was hurt.
No smile, frown, pain or love,
The truth pretending to be a lie.

I blabbered on and on,
About what my day was like,
Even though she probably knew,
All day I was by her side.
I told her about the birds and cars,
And how I secretly had had vodka,
About her dads crooked smile,
But not about his ruby nose,
And his wet face.
I told her I loved her.

As the doctor told me something,
I wrote down a list of the fastest things in the world:
My heartbeat

“She has cancer,
I’m so sorry.”

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How often do you think about me?

How often do you think about me?

When someone touches your hair,
Laughs at your jokes,
Hurts you,
Or just watches you giggle endlessly,
Do you wish that it was me?
When someone pushes you away
To pull you closer,
Looks in your eyes
And smiles with curled lips
And crinkled eyes,
Do you wish that it was me?

When someone gives you roses,
Or adventure and Love,
When someone wraps his arm
around your shoulders,
Do you wish it was my heartbeat,
My arms and my warm grip,
Do you wish that it was me?

When someone holds your hands,
Rubs your palms,
Kisses the back of your hand,
Holds it forever,
Do you wish it was the folds of my fingers,
And hope in my eyes?
Do you wish it was me?

Do you think about me as often
As blades think of cutting,
And the band-aid of healing?

Do you, as often
As the sun of burning,
And the water of drowning?

Do you think about me as often
As the clock of ticking away,
And the days of making us wait?

Do you think about me as often
As I think of you,
Or not at all?

Instagram handle: @myspirals
Previous post : Kafka, Chekhov and guns.
Related post : Grey.

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“And we created you in pairs.” – Qur’an 78:8

When the love of your life is on her knees, holding a promise of forever in the ring in her hand, and asks you to marry her, do you know what it means?

  • You’ll wake up every morning to find her sleeping beside you, or smiling at you with a warm coffee mug in her hand. And it will be routine to you, but you will smile anyway because you just love her so much. Every morning will be the same, but it’ll feel wonderful every single time anyway. You will be in love every morning, for the rest of your days.
  • Every lunch with her won’t give you butterflies but you will feel happy and alive every time she cracks a joke. She will repeat the joke again and again, and giggle endlessly, and you will be used to it. But you will laugh too, because she is undeniably weird and beautiful. (And well, the joke was funny.)
  • It’ll be an adventure. The two of you, hand in hand, will enter the jungle of happiness and insanity. You will love each other so much, and so often. The diamond on her finger will be the key to your happiness. It’ll mean forever. Commitment isn’t your strength but that’s what love is. Keeping the promise anyway. You will be thrilled every step of the way.

But it won’t always be butterflies and gardens.

  • You will see her cry, and you will feel devastated. You will realize that rubbing her shoulders won’t always comfort her, and that sometimes words just won’t be enough. And so, you will learn to hold her tight and close, and just stay. You will learn to just listen as she rants.
  • You will fight, and it won’t be easy. She really will be hurt, and sometimes you will shout at her anyway. She will shout back, and you will exchange mean words, but you will learn to apologize, and you will learn to forgive.
  • Someday, you will wake up and she won’t be there. And you will wait for her to come back, and call her whenever you can. You will realize that without her, your life is a mess. And you will be scared of losing her. She will come back almost every time, and make you the happiest you ever thought you could be. But when she does not, you will be the lost kid in the jungle. Breathing, but dead anyway.

So if you love her, if you can promise to stay after seeing every shade of her because you will, if you can assure her to always stay, then say yes. Because even though there are ups and downs, you will be in love and it’ll feel so damn amazing, that you will forget to breathe and start living.

And anyway, when Ross does it thrice, you know there is something addictive about it. Say yes, you fool.

Instagram handle: @myspirals
Previous post : What does happiness mean to you?
Related post : 11:11s.

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A ghost with a beating heart

A ghost with a beating heart

I’ve been asked
‘Are you okay?’
Way too many times.
And I’ve answered
Way too many times
‘I am fine.’
My voice has been firm
Quite unlike my smile
That trembles
For just a little while
But manages to lie.
I try.
There are no cuts
On my hand,
And no dust
On my shoulder.
It’s just
My damn eyes.
They cannot seem to lie.
I’ve been asked
Way too many times
I’m tired.
But I’ve answered
Every single time
‘I am fine.’

Instagram handle: @myspirals
Previous post : 13 reasons why.
Related post : The thin line.

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A pack of color pencils.

A pack of color pencils.

“Humans are fragile creatures made up of broken hearts and broken promises.” – Unknown

The water at the end of the desert. That is what a promise is made of. It’s not real.

  1. Young Rue thought that Santa would send a present this year too. She had been a good girl. She had been nice to every one, and had done all her work. Every year she waited for a box wrapped in red paper with a small paper that read “As promised.” She had a deal with Santa. She had promised to be a good girl, and in return he had promised to bring her some of her favorite chocolates and new toys. She ran out of her room as soon as she woke up, but found no presents. Had she not been a good girl, or was Santa biased against orphans?
  2. Rue learned about how words could be carved into promises as she grew older. But she believed in people anyway. She smiled when he promised to be there for her every time she shattered into pieces. She knew he would. But when everything around her crumbled, her life was a mess like the mascara flowing down her cheek, and she was drowning log in the high tide, he vanished like the sun on a winter day. Another empty promise, another broken heart, another normal day.
And then,
  1. With time, her words lost their meaning. She stopped believing. She also forgot to keep her promises., and handed out assurances and promises like a pack of color pencils that would make your life colorful. But only while it lasted. And then she failed to do what she said, show what she meant, and be what she wanted. The colors ran out, and the pack was empty. A hole in her heart was yearning for someone to remind her what promises really are. Yearning for someone to make her believe.
  2. On a summer morning, she found the person looking at her through a dirty mirror. Brown eyes and dark hair with a new pack of color pencils in her hand.

Empty promises will break you, but you’ll always have at least one person who can love you. Be your own pack of color pencils. Look for the sword.

“She wasn’t waiting for a knight. She was waiting for a sword.” – Atticus

Instagram handle: @myspirals
Previous post : 13 reasons why.
Related post : The thin line.

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