remember – My Spirals

Then how come it isn’t?

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The last time I kissed her, I kissed her with a little more passion than our lungs could hold on to. I let my hands pull her in, and my eyes close to make sure I remembered what she was like.
She tasted like a Monday morning I didn’t hate and dirty coffee mugs of the night before. She tasted like grocery shopping where we ended up with just a stick of gum, and the cashier gave our smiles and giggles a weird glance cause clearly we shouldn’t shop at 3 A.M? She tasted of sunrays and tanned skin, and of crazy ways to seduce each other. She tasted like a cold November night on the terrace with my arms around her and her head on my chest and our eyes on the stars. She tasted like broken frames and mended hearts and salty tears and not being able to stay apart.
She reminded me of the time I ran my fingers through her hair, and she ran her fingers through the knots in my souls. She reminded me of the time I kissed her salty skin right after coming out of the sea, and her fingers holding onto my wet hair and pulling me in. She reminded me of sleeping all day and watching Barney all night. She reminded me of soft chuckles, and loud moans.
She was my ‘Irish’ coffee and she was the Rachel to my Ross. She reminded me of moonlight on her knees as I trailed my fingers up. She reminded me of empty bottles and half-eaten snickers. She reminded me of promises that smelled of chocolate cookies and assurances of being in Wonderland if I ever fell again.
She tasted like an eternity and reminded me of the fault in our stars. We could not end up together, but we did have a bigger infinity than we ever imagined we could have. She was the Robin to my Barney and the little forever she gave me was legen – wait for it – dary.
Didn’t you think you’d meet someone, fall in love and that’d be it?

Previous post : Fairy-tale love.
Related post : Kisses and cravings.

Always?

I had to choose
you or me
I chose you.
You had to choose
you or me
You chose yourself
So we loved you twice
and me not at all.
You left me anyway.
You left me
devastated
and empty.
Another came along.
I had to choose
Her or me
I chose me.
She had to choose
Her or me
She chose herself
We left each other anyway
Devastated
and empty.
You came back.
And I chose you again.
Always, I guess.

Previous post : Snow.
Related post : The fallen star.

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Tsunami

I’m as messed up as this poem. This just might not make sense.

Home.
It’s a strange place
You never know where you’ll feel it.
Two arms and music inside a chest
Or four walls and family dinners
Or spin the bottle and hopeless friends
Or maybe just a city.
My mind is a crazy mess
My heart does not rhyme anymore
Everyone has a story
I’m living a story that
I just can’t put into words.
Nostalgia is a dirty liar.
But it’s my happy place.
You see,
When I write about love,
Words flow nonstop.
When I write about pain,
I don’t try to rhyme, it just fucking happens.
But when I write about home,
My poetry is a lost cause.
There’s a tsunami in my head.
A tsunami of words that don’t match,
And there’s no way to put them together.
I’ve been trying and trying to write
About home
About my time there
About my time here
About what I’ve felt in between
But words of no purpose pop into my head
And although they can be made
Into something beautiful
Like everything can
I’m just not the one to do it.
But I so badly want to.
I want to frame sentences,
And beautiful verses,
Phrases that make sense,
Something.
But here I am,
Going on and on
Not having a clue about what I’m writing.
I’m so sorry.
I just miss home.

Previous post : The big bang theory.
Related post : The Liebster Award.

Diamonds.

“And we created you in pairs.” – Qur’an 78:8

When the love of your life is on her knees, holding a promise of forever in the ring in her hand, and asks you to marry her, do you know what it means?

You’ll wake up every morning to find her sleeping beside you, or smiling at you with a warm coffee mug in her hand. And it will be routine to you, but you will smile anyway because you just love her so much. Every morning will be the same, but it’ll feel wonderful every single time anyway. You will be in love every morning, for the rest of your days.
Every lunch with her won’t give you butterflies but you will feel happy and alive every time she cracks a joke. She will repeat the joke again and again, and giggle endlessly, and you will be used to it. But you will laugh too, because she is undeniably weird and beautiful. (And well, the joke was funny.)
It’ll be an adventure. The two of you, hand in hand, will enter the jungle of happiness and insanity. You will love each other so much, and so often. The diamond on her finger will be the key to your happiness. It’ll mean forever. Commitment isn’t your strength but that’s what love is. Keeping the promise anyway. You will be thrilled every step of the way. Cross your heart and hope to die.

But it won’t always be butterflies and gardens.

You will see her cry, and you will feel devastated. You will realize that rubbing her shoulders won’t always comfort her, and that sometimes words just won’t be enough. And so, you will learn to hold her tight and close, and just stay. You will learn to just listen as she rants.
You will fight, and it won’t be easy. She really will be hurt, and sometimes you will shout at her anyway. She will shout back, and you will exchange mean words, but you will learn to apologize, and you will learn to forgive.
Someday, you will wake up and she won’t be there. And you will wait for her to come back, and call her whenever you can. You will realize that without her, your life is a mess. And you will be scared of losing her. She will come back almost every time, and make you the happiest you ever thought you could be. But when she does not, you will be the lost kid in the jungle. Breathing, but dead anyway.

So if you love her, if you can promise to stay after seeing every shade of her because you will, if you can assure her to always stay, then say yes. Because even though there are ups and downs, you will be in love and it’ll feel so damn amazing, that you will forget to breathe and start living.

And anyway, when Ross does it thrice, you know there is something addictive about it. Say yes, you fool.

Previous post : Earth.
Related post : 11:11s.

Damn, your eyes.

Draft 4
(HER)

He had beautiful eyes. Not the kind which makes you want to drown, but the kind that makes you want to swim back to the shore, which makes you want to sit on the sand while you watch the waves move back and forth, and which you just can’t get enough of. When I looked into his eyes, I saw myself. And even his eyes, just like his words, made me feel beautiful. But beneath the reflection lay emotions he never wanted to talk about. There was a story of fear narrated by his frantic eyeballs, fear of not being held on for, fear of not being worth someones time. He had once told me about it, about being an atelophobic (which he considered to be the worst fear of all).

His gleaming eyes told me about the times when he had breakdowns but no tears had come to his aid. Stars twinkled in his eyes, not of hope but of longing. Longing for the day when his fears, anxiety and confusion come to a rest. I wanted to be there when the day came, and I wanted to be the reason why.

(HIM)

She had beautiful eyes. Not the kind which makes you want to drown, but the kind which makes you want to set the world on fire. She had fire in her eyes, and it made you warm. It was a campfire by which you and your friends sat down and had marshmallows as you sang “Stairway to heaven”. It was a forest-fire burning down everything that came in its way. But it was also the fire that heated a blade to remove a bullet. It was beautiful, destructive and caring. But beneath the fire were stories only a few people knew. There was light in her eyes, unfolding the story of how she feared the darkness that consumed everything every night. There was passion in her eyes, a passion that burned brighter every day. And there was chaos, stories of when her heart had been broken, of when her mind hurt from thinking too much, and of when she just could not do anything about it.

The fire in her eyes was not of anger, but of intensity, passion and love. It was ablaze, and I wanted to burn in it. I wanted to destroy myself in her love. I wanted to burn in her fire. I wanted it so much, that even as I take my last breath, I hold it in a little longer and burn a little more.

– Excerpts from a book I will never write.

Previous post : Half.
Related post : Kiss me slow.

Draft 4 (HER)

(HIM)

Draft 4
(HER)